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20th Anniversary Reflections from Fay Cruickshank
Hi and Welcome Everyone,
As a new member to ARMS I am delighted to be here tonight to celebrate our 20th Anniversary.
I'm feeling a little bit nervous standing up here tonight. Normally I would prefer to blend in the background.
However I am only half as nervous as the day I walked into the ARMS office, for the very first time. I remember that day clearly, when I stood outside thinking, will I go in!, or, won't I go in!, or will I turn around and go home again.
Somehow I found the courage to knock on the door. I am so glad I did!. I was greeted with smiling faces and warmth. I was made to feel welcome and safe, by the members who were there for the monthly support meeting.
For the very first time ever in my life I was allowed to talk freely about my lost baby. I had people in the room with me, who wanted to listen and wanted to help and support me.
After telling my story, through tears and emotions, there was touching of hands and there were hugs from this lovely group of people.
I was given phone numbers to call, if I needed to talk, anytime. I realised then that I was not the only person on this earth, with these feelings. There are others who feel the same as I do. Going along the same path as I am.
Arms is an organisation with support counselling and plenty of information to help us through our difficult times. We have printed booklets to read full of information about adoption and loss. We have videos and a library of books to borrow.
These booklets have also provided my family and close friends with information so that they may understand the way I am feeling.
ARMS is a place we can come to and continue on our journey to find our lost sons and daughters. Arms is a place we can enjoy a cup of tea, a chat, a laugh and to be made to feel good about oneself.
My Daughter was taken away from me 37 years ago. I now know she is married, has two daughters and lives happily in Melbourne.
We have been writing letters to each other for a while and have exchanged photographs. Oh, how I cherish those photos.
I know I have a long way to go, but with the support, I feel I have taken the first steps out of the barriers I set around myself all those years ago, when I was told to forget about my baby and get on with my life. The barriers I refer to were put there by me to blank out the sadness in my life.
We have started to make another quilt. Everyone is involved in making their own square, each persons square has their own design and represents the experience of being separated from their baby by adoption. When the squares are finished, they will all be joined together to form our quilt. The quilt will then hang beside our original quilt which was made by early members.
I would love to say thank you to my husband, Terry, and our three daughters. Thank you to all my ARMS friends. Thank you for your support. I hope I can offer my support to a member or new member along the way.
To finish off, I would like to say I have a goal. My goal, is to one day be able to call my daughter "Julie" and say to her, "could you meet me for lunch today?"
Thank you and enjoy your evening.
Fay
© 2001 ARMS
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