A grief counselling model for assisting mothers who have lost children through adoption.

In some cultures, in some times, it has been seen as an appropriate course of action that the children of unmarried and unsupported mothers be adopted and raised by others. It was believed that adoption could provide the child with the desired family stability and that the stigma of illegitimacy would be removed. It was further believed that the mother would be able to resume her life in the community as if the birth had not occurred. In fact, the impact on a mother of being separated from her child in this manner is often severe and enduring. Until recent years, there was no recognition of the issues for these mothers and no acknowledgement that they had suffered by not being able to grieve the loss of their children. Often because there was no recognition of their loss or their grief and because they have kept silent about their experience because of their feelings of guilt and shame, their grief has become chronic.

The following is a model for intervention to assist mothers who have lost children through adoption to deal with their grief by understanding their experience and exploring the feelings associated with their loss.

Adoption grief counselling is aimed at helping women who have lost children through adoption to understand their experience in its total context. Adoption grief counselling addresses the external influences such as environment, social attitudes, gender issues, legal constraints, cultural beliefs and values and the attitudes and decision-making processes that affected mothers prior to and after the loss of their children through adoption. It is also aimed at helping these mothers to explore their feelings about their experience and to talk about their loss in a safe and non-judgmental environment.

Adoption grief counselling may take many formats and is largely determined by the individual client needs. Commonly, client and counsellor meet weekly for approximately one hour over a period of 9 weeks. This model of counselling looks at the life experiences of the client commencing with childhood, following through adolescence to adulthood and up to the present time. With the loss of the child through adoption as their focus, the sessions pull together the common threads that led to the loss of the child. The sessions help the client to explore the factors that influenced her at the time of the loss of her child, the impact the loss has had on her life and her overall concept of herself and those around her.

At the close of each session, it is important for the counsellor to draw together the relevant issues and link them in to the purpose for the intervention. This model is provided as a guide only.

For further information please make contact with the ARMS Office.

© 2001 ARMS