1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

4) Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.

6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.

7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

8) This will end your Windows session. Play again?

9) Windows: 'Mistake! Shall I format your brain?'

10) God: "Rebooting the universe, please log out"

11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

13) COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup and press any key.

14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... 
        Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)

15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

16) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

17) Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

18) Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

19) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... 
        Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER.

20) User Error: Replace user.

21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)"

22) Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

Things to Do When You Are Bored ...

• The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.



• You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.



• People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humour are telling you that they have no sense of humour.



• The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.



• You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.


• A penny saved is worthless.



• They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few micro-organisms, the micro-organisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies.



• The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.



• The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.



• There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.



• There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."



• People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.



• Nobody is normal.



• At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that:

• The universe is even bigger than they thought!

• There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!

• Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.

• If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."



• The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.



• The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example:



• If the advertisement says "This is not your father's Oldsmobile," the advertiser is desperately concerned that this Oldsmobile, like all other Olds-mobiles, appeals primarily to old farts like your father.
  


• If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince you that there are significant differences between these two products, both companies realize that Pepsi and Coke are virtually identical.
  


• If the advertisement strongly suggests that Nike shoes enable athletes to perform amazing feats, Nike wants you to disregard the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic ability.
  


• If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign stressing the critical importance of a beer's "born-on" date, Budweiser knows this factor has virtually nothing to do with how good a beer tastes.
  


• If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.



• You should not confuse your career with your life.



• A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.



• No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.



• When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.



• Your friends love you anyway.



• Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

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Produced by Karen Day kday@chariot.net.au South Australia Last updated: 30/06/2000 Version 1.0

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