| Note: | To the best of my knowledge the humour used in this web page is in the public domain. |
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When an agnostic dies, does he go to the "great perhaps"? |
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Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
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Do you think Houdini ever locked his keys in his car?
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Why is there a road sign that says "Braille Institute, Next Exit"?
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Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
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If procrastinators had a club would they ever have a meeting?
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If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
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Have you ever wondered why just one letter makes all the
difference between here and there?
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When you go into a hotel you always see reception.
Why do you never just see ception?
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If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
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If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? |
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Isn't it strange that the same people who laugh at gypsy fortune
tellers take economists seriously?
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If genetic scientists crossed a chicken with a zebra would
they get a four-legged chicken with its own barcode?
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If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
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Why is there always one in every crowd?
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If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?
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Is it possible to have deja vu and amnesia at the same time?
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Why do hair shampoo instructions say "Lather. Rinse. Repeat"?
If you did this, would you ever be able to stop?
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Who decided "Hotpoint" would be a good name for a company that sells
refrigerators?
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How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? |
| Alpha:- | Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work." |
| Beta:- | Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work." |
| CPU:- | Central propulsion unit. The CPU is the computer's engine. It consists of a hard drive, an interface card and a tiny spinning wheel that's powered by a running rodent - a gerbil if the machine is a old machine, a ferret if it's a Pentium and a ferret on speed if it's a Pentium II. |
| Default Directory: - | Black hole. Default directory is where all files that you need disappear to. |
| Error message:- | Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the program's shortcomings |
| File:- | A document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name. It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file cabinet - except when you try to remove the file, the cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file format is unknown. |
| Hardware:- | Collective term for any computer-related object that can be kicked or battered. |
| Help:- | What we all need. Actually, it is the feature that assists in generating more questions. When the help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning anything. |
| Input/Output:- | Information is input from the keyboard as intelligible data and output to the printer as unrecognizable junk. | Interim Release:- | Information is input from the A programmer's feeble attempt at repentance. |
| Memory:- | Of computer components, the most generous in terms of variety, and the skimpiest in terms of quantity. |
| Printer:- | A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light. |
| Programmers:- | Computer avengers. Once members of that group of high school nerds who wore tape on their glasses, played Dungeons and Dragons, and memorized Star Trek episodes; now millionaires who create "user-friendly" software to get revenge on whoever gave them noogies. |
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Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by it's maker. |
How do they get the kangaroo or deer to cross at that yellow road sign? |
Support Search & Rescue GET LOST! |
If you don't like the way I'm driving, YOU come get these handcuffs off! |
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? |
Attention: Driver carries less than $20 in ammunition. | Horn broken, watch for finger. |
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready. |
Supporting America's Militant Agnostics... we don't know, and you don't either. |
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. |
Witches' Parking All others Toad. |
Never drive faster than your Guardian Angel can fly. |
Missing... dog and wife. Reward for dog. |
i souport publik edekasion. |
Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put It In Reverse? |
Pardon my driving. I'm reloading. |
Don't look back, they might be gaining on you. |
Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it. |
There are two kinds of pedestrians the quick and the dead. |
I have an answering machine in my car. It says: I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out. |
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. |
Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon! |
Earth first! (We'll strip-mine the other planets later) |
Support your country police Drive really fast. |
YES this is my truck. NO I wont help you move. |
You're driving a car!! It isn't a telephone booth, a beauty parlour or a restaurant. |
My karma ran over your dogma. | I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. |
If you are close enough to read this, I am close enough to slam on my brakes and sue you. |
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Drug Dealers: Refer to their clients as "users".
Software Developers: Refer to their clients as "users".
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