Just for a Laugh or Humor To Brighten Your Day

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JUST FOR A LAUGH

OR

HUMOUR TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY.

PAGE 7 OF 8

Note:

To the best of my knowledge the humour used in this web page is in the public domain.

A HUGE Thanks To:

The Many Unknown Authors

and

DailyComix
http://www.dailycomix.com/

and
Netdummy Humor
http://www.netdummy.com/

For The Humour Found On This Page

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MEN!!

Comments Questions and Answers ...

Women like the simple things in life ...... like men.

Boys will be boys, but one day all girls will be women.

When a women makes a fool of a man, it's usually an improvement.

Most men prefer looks to brains, because most men see better than they think!!

I only wanted to have a child ...... not marry one!!

The trouble with some women is that they get all exited about nothing, and then marry him.

Q. What's the difference between men and pigs?

     A.    Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.

Boys will be boys - but men are better at it.

Q. What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain?
     A.    A widower.

They put one man on the moon. Why can't they put them all there?

Q. What's an orgasm, Mum?
     A.    I don't know luv. Ask your father.

If you catch a man, throw him back.

Q. What do you call 500 men at the bottom of the sea?
     A.    A good start.

Men call us birds. Is that because of all the worms we pick up?

Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy - by remaining a bachelor.

Q. Why should you never let your man's mind wander?
     A.    Because it's too little to be let out alone.

Q. Why go for younger men?
     A.    You might as well - they never mature anyway.

Q. Why will a woman rarely make a fool of a man?
     A.    Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

Q. Where should you look for a committed man?
     A.    In a mental institution.

Q. Why did the children of Israel wander the desert for 40 years?
     A.    Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.

Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
     A.    When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.

Q. What does a man consider a seven course meal?
     A.    A hot dog and a six pack of beer.

Q. How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
     A.    Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.

Q. How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
     A.    None, Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(tm) as the new industry standard.

Rules Men Know and Wish Women Did Too...

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up - put it down.

Don't cut your hair.... Ever.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

Sunday = Sports... It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Quotes from Bart Simpson Show

As Moe would say to the bar patrons....

Is there a Strap here? Do I have a Jacques Strap here?

Can I have a Cahlolic? Hey is there an Al Coholic here? Anyone an Al Coholic here?

Wheres Magroin? Say, whos Holden Magroin?

Anyone seen Mike Rotch lately?

Phone for one of Tinkle. Hey Ivana Tinkle!

I need Mr. Hugginkiss? Hey guys I need Amanda Hugginkiss?

Hey Isgay!!! Hey everyone Homer Isgay, over here!!

Anyone see Butts? Hey I wana Seymour Butts!!!

Is there an Ivanna. Ivanna Pea?? Hey everyone Ivanna Pea in here!!

Excuse me! Ms. Bath here? Hey guys Anita Bath!

Everyone quiet! Mya? Mya Butreaks in the Bar??

Excuse me, Pidass wanted on the phone, Stu Pidass wanted on the Phone!

Phone for Lester! Hey do I have a Mel Lester in the bar! Any seen Mel Lester?

Is there a Jass here? Do I have a Hugh Jass?

Is there an Oxwelling, Hey I'm lookin for Mike; Mike Oxwelling?

I need a Mann! Is there a Hugh Mann in here?

Where's Thall? Is anybody a Neander Thall?

Phone for Lee! Everyone Lee. V. Mediately....? Hey where's eveybody going?

TRUE INTERVIEW HORROR STORIES

By Ryan Townley of Management Recruiters

Interviewee......

....stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.

....she wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.

....a balding candidate abruptly excused himself, and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.

....asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.

....announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and French fires in the interviewer's office -- wiping the ketchup on her sleeve.

....stated that if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

....interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.

....when I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office.

....at the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, he went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left.

Signs You've been in Corporate Sector too long...

You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core principles are.

You decide to reorganize your family into a "team-based organization".

You refer to dating as test marketing.

You can spell "paradigm".

You actually know what a paradigm is.

You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review.

You give feedback to your dog.

One Liners...

I don't eat snails... I prefer FAST food!

Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby.

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.

Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't.

People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do.

By the time we realize our parents were right, we have children who think we're wrong.

I have claustrophobia combined with fear of success, so I completely fell apart when I did a really good job painting the inside of my closet.
- Bob Thaves (Frank & Ernest)

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Produced by Karen Day: kday@chariot.net.au; South Australia; Last updated: 30/06/2000; Version 1.0

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